April 3, 2014

Trust the Process

Happy Thursday, loves!

Just linking with Katie and Samantha for NonScale Victories - what were your NSVs this week??

Mine was pretty simple and it is simply this:  I'm learning to trust the process.

They say that strength and success comes from looking in the mirror and seeing no change but continuing on anyway because you know it's the right thing to do...or something like that.

Last year at this time, I was looking forward to Spring and Summer and all of the cute clothes I was going to be wearing.  I'm still excited about that (after spending 20 years dreading the warmer months because that meant less clothes to cover myself up!) but it seemed like last year I couldn't buy something without it being too big after I'd only worn it one or two times.  That isn't happening at the same rate this year...and sometimes when I think about that, it makes me anxious.  I even get irritated and probably berate myself a little bit...I know, I know...I'm working on it.

But being anxious and irritated with the process doesn't make me quit...it's doesn't even make me want to THINK about quitting.  I sigh, walk out of my closet, face the day and do what I know I need to do.  I honestly can say at this point in my journey, I have no idea what quitting would feel like.  And this is coming from someone who didn't even have the confidence in herself to even TRY in my past life.

Each of the little victories I've had over the past two years made me stronger each and every single time I faced and overcame them.  The first time I went a whole week tracking my food, the first time I came home from vacation and got right back to my routine, the first time I gained and continued on anyway, the first time I climbed a mountain, the first time I ran for 90 seconds straight...each and every single victory built my strength and confidence up.

In today's society we want everything SO fast.  It doesn't help that pretty much every single thing can be made better, faster, stronger.  The thing is that nobody - NO. BODY.- has been able to come up with anything that will make the process of being healthy a quick fix.  It's not going to happen, people!  You have to be willing to put in every second, minute, hour, day, month and year to make it happen.  That's the reality.  And during that time, you are going to have ups and downs...LOTS of them...it's not going to be easy and there are going to be many, many obstacles to overcome...OVERCOME them.  Each one makes you stronger.

I'm here to tell you that you will be successful if you just know this, remember this, live this, and TRUST this.  If you do, you will be successful.  I'm not going to be a success WHEN I get to whatever scale-weight I decide works for me.  I'm successful NOW.  Every single day that I live this healthy life, I'm a success.  I have always wanted to be a healthy person, so here I am, living it.

Go me!


March 27, 2014

NSV Thursday

Yup, that's surprise on my face.

So this happened last night ^ ^

And that's my NSV, boom.

Okay, yes, that's my NSV but you KNOW I have more to say about it!

A very good buddy of mine (who is on her own healthy journey and has lost more than 90lbs; so proud of you Charmissa!), and I have started a wellness group at our company.  It was all her idea, I'm just along for the ride and thankful she asked me to assist.  Basically, we get together every other week with our colleagues and provide an opportunity  to share tips, resources, ideas for being active, and generally leading a healthy life.  Each week, we provide a topic for discussion and this week we will be talking about adding something new into your life.

The concept behind trying something new is that when you're starting out on a journey, attempting to try to CHANGE your entire routine is completely scary and overwhelming and utterly daunting.  You've got your routine that has worked for you, maybe you have a family that you're working around, too.  And whammo!  This happens:  "That's it!  Today is the day we're never eating anything unhealthy again!  I just went to the grocery store and spent $400 on vegetables and paid for a gym membership; we're doing this!"  We have ALL done this...in high hopes of being able to maintain it. But how often have we all tried that only to realize that it doesn't always work?  And two weeks or a month into it, we abandon our new plan?  Maybe you abandon it because your family hates all the food you're making...maybe you abandon it because it's just too expensive...maybe you abandon it because what you've decided to try just doesn't fit into your life in some way.  It happens to all of us.

But here's a great concept...what if we just decide to add a little something new to our routines?  Nothing big, just something really sort of simple.  Charmissa reminded me how when I started out, my ultimate goal was to lose weight, but I decided to START out by just changing my recipes to incorporate healthier ingredients.  Not a big change, just a little change.  Still eating things I loved, just making them a little healthier.  Once that became a routine, I began to incorporate some exercises into my week...I tried lots of different things, and some I liked and some I didn't.  A year ago, about this time, my friend Katie from KTJ Weighing In announced a Virtual 5K so I decided that I'd try to train for it.  It just so happened that on the same day of the virtual 5K, June 1st, there was an actual 5K locally, so I took the plunge and signed up for the race.  (Read about it here.)  I tried something new, decided that I would commit to just this one race, and if I hated it, I'd never have to do it again.  But the thing is that I loved it...it was hard...but it was amazing.  I never would have been able to experience that feeling if I hadn't tried something new.  And here I am, almost a year later and I'm a runner now!  I knock out 5K's on my own all the time and a lot of the times, I try to run 5 miles or more!

See how little things can lead to big things??  And you don't have to burden yourself with some grand big plans to make huge changes to do this...just try to add a healthy component to your day, your week, etc.  It doesn't even have to be a physical thing...like I mentioned above, I started to introduce new ways to cook foods and make them healthier...now that's just how we eat.  Again, my buddy Charmissa reminded me how hard it would have been (and probably disastrous!) to say to my Hubs, "This is how we're going to eat now.  Quinoa and chick peas for life!"  Uh, yah, never would have flown.  But ever so slowly, he started to try some of the things I introduced.  Some stick and some don't - he's still not a fan of quinoa.

Back to the pic above.  That's me, last night, deadlifting 145#s, for the first time.  I tried yet another NEW thing; it was amazing.  And I can't wait to do it again...and to lift heavier.

Get out there, try something new, and see where it leads you.  I guarantee you'll be so proud of yourself for doing it.


March 25, 2014

I'm Letting it Go

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Hello friends!

It's been a little while since I've posted here on my journey and in truth, there isn't too much exciting that has been going on.  I'm still just plugging away here, doing my thing.

That's sort of the thing about healthy living, isn't it?  Not a whole lot of exciting things that are new to report, just living it day to day.

And that's kind of what I wanted to touch on today.  Recently, I posted on Facebook that I had been fighting my Inner Fat Girl a lot this Winter...mentally it's been tough.  I haven't fallen off the wagon or gone too far astray, but for a little while there (about 8 weeks), she was pretty loud in my head.  And mostly just about food - it's always about food for me - and she wanted some really tempting stuff!  I tried not to listen to her but do you know how hard it is to fight that bitch every single day?!  I did it, though, I fought her and she's FINALLY shut the Hell Up for the time being.

When you're fighting like that in your head, it's exhausting and over the course of the past few weeks, I've started to analyze where the exhaustion comes from.  Now, I have told you all how much I love food.  If I had a better metabolism, let me tell you, this whole "getting healthy" thing may not have happened...I would have been happy just strutting along with my lithe body eating bagels and pizza and baked goods for the rest of my life.  But alas...

After analyzing, and admittedly over analyzing, I realized it's because I have this worry in my head that everyone has this expectation of me.  I KNOW that I've made it up in my head; nobody has time to worry about me when we're all just trying to get through our days, but it's there, that worry.  This blog has been a blessing and a curse.  I started it for accountability, and over the course of time, it has honestly been a huge support system for me - I love how much support I get from my fellow bloggers and followers.  But on the other hand, I think that's where the expectation part comes in...in my head everyone is watching and waiting for me to succeed.  And how great is that???  It's AMAZING; everyone is rooting for you.  But the thing is, I don't always succeed...some days I fail...and so in my head, there's a feeling of failure...and maybe it's not so much about failure, but maybe a feeling like I'm disappointing people?


Some days I get through the day and there's this feeling of relief that I conquered another day...like I ran a marathon and I just hit the finish line.  Then I get up and do it again the next day...oddly, my "best" weeks are the ones where I get to the weekend having done amazingly all week...again, I breathe a sigh of relief.  But do you see where the exhaustion comes in??  I need to slow down and just do what I have to do without trying to just get through the day.


And so I analyze and analyze some more...and what I've come to realize is that this journey is long...it's hard...and there are times when I feel like I'm starting over again and again...but the thing I need to keep reminding myself is that I am not on a journey to a certain destination; it is not something I have to do for the time being.  I am on a journey to live a healthy life for the REST of my life.

I have been working hard for over two years and I'm more than halfway to the goal weight I set out to achieve in the beginning...but somewhere along the way, I'm starting to realize that what I do every day is what's important.  It's not only going to help me get there, it will help me stay there, and I will be able to sustain it for a lifetime.

And as far as disappointing people, I am working hard at getting over that.  I am proud of how far I've come...I did it for me.  I need to keep reminding myself of that.  It's corny but I read a lot of quotes; some of them are so profound, aren't they?  And lately, I've been seeking out the quotes about happiness and being kind to myself and hope and possibilities.  Because isn't that what we all are hoping to achieve out of life?  I am so beyond blessed with the most amazing supportive husband, and wonderful friends and family.  I'm also extremely grateful for all of the support I've found through blogging.  THOSE are the things that I'm going to nurture.


Of course I'm going to keep on doing what I love:  working out and eating delicious, healthy food.  But I'm also going to work out and eat some delicious, not-so-healthy food, too. 

Most of all:  I'm going to work on cutting myself some slack and letting it go!

And yes, I do realize that after typing this entire post, somehow I've inadvertently referenced Frozen...